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Mississippi girl seeks truth in Dallas.

Certainly, I had gotten a lot thinner over the past several months. I hadn't done any exercise either; except, of course, for my tummy workouts. I just seemed so, I don't know, so delicate, compared to Bob. Suddenly, I realized how small and exposed I was standing next to him. I felt totally unable to resist him, no matter what he might do. That feeling of powerlessness was terrifying, but it was something else, too...

"Too far," I said, "for what?"

"Look, do you like yourself like this?"

"Do you?"

Oh god, the question had just kind of popped out. My hand flew to my mouth, but, of course, it was too late. I just stood there, staring at Bob in shock, and then the tears stung my eyes. I was totally humiliated. I couldn't bear to have him see me a second longer. I turned and rushed from the pool as quickly as I could. I knew what I looked like with my arms held up out of the water but I didn't care. I was crying openly when I climbed out and I couldn't find one of my Japanese sandals which only made me cry harder. From behind me, I heard Bob's calm, strong voice.

"Johnny come back here."

I wanted to go back. Of all the things that had happened, that was the most terrifying of all. I shook my head "no no no." With the one sandal clutched to my chest, I ran through the gate separating the pool from the yard, passed the patio where Mary Pat and Kathy were still chatting, and into the house. They looked up as I passed but I was thankful that they didn't try to stop me. I ran upstairs to the spare room, locked the door, and threw myself down on the bed. Sometime later, there was a soft knock followed by Kathy's voice.

"We're leaving to see the fireworks, love. Please come."

I thought seriously about not going, but I didn't want to make any more of a scene then I already had. So I got up, dressed, and went downstairs. I was pretty quiet during the short drive to the park where they were having the show. Bob drove and I sat in the passenger seat beside him. Mary Pat and my wife were in the back. I remembered that this was how it was whenever we went out together. Except back then everything seemed so different. Now as the wives talked about some mutual acquaintance from work, Bob and I sat in uncomfortable silence. I stared out the window. It was all I could do to keep from squirming in my seat.

Bob reached over and turned on the radio. There was the loud voice of a commentator over the roar of a crowd. I could tell that it was some kind of sporting event. But what kind I had no idea. Bob seemed to be thinking the same thing I was thinking.

He quickly turned the station.

"Is easy listening, okay?"

I didn't turn from the window.


At the park I made it a point to stand next to Kathy. But as the show proceeded I found myself standing a little apart. I was wearing a pair of red short-shorts and a little white top with the slogan "american girl" in red sequins across the front. It was a cool night so I exchanged my sandals for a pair of white platform keds. They were girl sneakers, I know, but Kathy said they made me look taller. I had a white-hooded Tommy Girl fleece pullover tied by the sleeves around my waist. I was in the process of putting it on when I felt someone come up behind me.

"Here, let me help you," Bob said.

I was about to protest, but I figured what was the point. He held the little pullover while I slipped my bare arms inside.

"There," Bob said and smiled. "Snug as a bug."

"Thank you," I said cooly.

It was snug inside the pullover. I was tempted to pull up the hood but I didn't want to muss up my hair. Instead, I stretched the sleeves over my fingers and hugged myself.

"Still cold?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay," Bob said and smiled again. "Listen, about what happened in the pool..."

I felt myself blush. I couldn't believe he would bring that up? What was the matter with him?

"I just wanted to say," he paused, as if looking for the words. "That it's, okay."

I stared resolutely at the sky, as if I could somehow will myself beyond the stars.

"Forget it," I said.

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