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Love at first sight, then sex.

)))

Back to it. This story contains extreme violence, extreme sexual situations, extreme sports, extreme philosophical polemics and extreme shopping, the last of which combines all four of the "extremes" preceding it into the dominant set-piece of Chapter 15 (the wild romp of Lilara the Barbarian Epistemologist of Thura XII through a mall full of priapic p-zombies). I'm pretty proud of that one; it's actually worth hanging in through the Merchants of Fellatio sequence in the four chapters preceding it which, to be totally honest, gets a little on the repetitive side even for me, the writer, so I imagine it will be a bit of a slog for some readers. If you feel that way, just hold on and think: "Pretty soon and I'll be reading about Lilara cutting like a steel tornado through a grasping crowd of masturbating p-zombies with the mythical Axe of Retribution clasped in the mighty muscles of her well-trimmed pussy!" Totally worth the wait.

As for the extreme sexual situations, let's put it this way. You ever hear of a porn star named Audrey Hollander? Go look up some of her videos on the Internet. Now try to imagine gang-bangs involving so many dicks that Audrey freaking Hollander would be like: "Whoa. That's a few too many dicks, you guys. This is getting a little extreme." That's how extreme the sexual situations get. (Interesting side-note: Audrey was actually a beta reader for this story. I met her at a porn convention once, real nice lady, and I was like: "Think I could interest you in taking a look at some of my erotic writing?" And she gave me her e-mail address and everything. When she finished reading this story, she wrote me a message that simply read: "Get help and may God have mercy on your soul." Heh, that Audrey! Quite the joker.)

There's no non-con, though. Unless you count the sequence in Chapter 46 where 36DD-22-36 Blonde and 32A-23-35 Redhead seduce the Fungus Warriors of the Undercity of Harkam, because they're mushrooms and don't really speak any known language and have no way of communicating consent, so I could see that being a little dubious for some readers. On the plus side, though, if you've never fantasized about a sex scene featuring multiple bipedal fungus monsters getting pegged with gigantic strap-on dildoes until they spray out spores like gigantic penises cumming all over the eldritch landscape of the Underdark... well, let's just say you have a pretty fantastic journey in your future.

The extreme sports content does merit a trigger warning for vertigo, flak cannons and exploding mice, due to the acrobatic butt-fucking skydive sequence featuring the nubile sky pirate Jolly Rogers and the every-ready men of the Cloud Nine Skydiving Performers in Chapter 39, which takes place over the countryside of an alternate Nazi Germany run entirely by flying squirrels.

(It's a lot less confusing than it sounds, honest.

(And about the exploding mice: no animals were harmed in the writing of this story, except for the several dozen mice I blew up with firecrackers in the process of researching what an exploding mouse would look like, which, I'm not totally sure why I did that or why I kept feeling the need to yell "Take that, dad!" after each explosion; the human heart is a mysterious thing. But it's not like mice are endangered or something, you know? So let's not make a big thing out of it.))

As for the extreme philosophical polemic, don't let it scare you off.

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