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Even Santa needed a reason to smile.

You know that you are waiting for the real thing. Have you waited so long that you might let it slip between your fingers when it comes? Will you be able to know the truth about your heart and let yourself trust again?

You have just gotten off the phone with someone who has you asking yourself these questions. How could he invade you this way? You were happy for the most part. Turning down men has become a past time for you. Your beauty has become a yoke around your neck attracting every type of man who wants your body and forgets to look into your soul. You could curse the very thing that women hate you for your natural beauty and thin figure. James has you questioning everything all over again. How do you guard against this man who has touched you from the inside and left your heart exposed? Do you run and hide or run to him? You have no doubt that he can satisfy you in a physical way. His voice and manners on the phone are enough to make you melt with desire and passion you have never been so touched without meeting someone first In fact you have never been touched this way by anyone ever.

You are wondering how to stop your racing heart from the avalanche of emotions that are rushing through your mind and body. You hate the loss of control and fear the outcome of something that has this much energy. Can you trust a man with so much power over you? You have given up on this feeling after a married man lied to you and stole your heart two years ago. You never thought you would allow someone to touch you so deeply again, Again? How can you say 'again' when this is a new depth but you make a mental note that you didn't plan to ever let this happen? His voice echoes in your mind with the words "you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. Love isn't a decision or a choice, as much as it is an event. That is why it is called falling love, and not walking into love."

You wonder how there can be such an internal conflict that on one side screams for you to run to him and on the other warns you to stay away. Which can be telling the truth? Your day is full of him you have not been able to get much done. You are scared to death of meeting him and you are not sure if you are afraid, that maybe it isn't real or if it truly is. The though of love being real scares you more than if it were not. You don't want to give you heart again but do you have a choice?

It all started with his creative approach of sending you a short story about a romantic encounter. You were amused and intrigued but thought little more of it. You sent a lengthy and courteous reply to each story but as you continued to read you sensed a very sensitive side to this playboy that wasn't obvious to the casual reader. You can see why he would be popular with the ladies but this isn't what you are attracted to. You have always danced to a different tune than most women the things you enjoy are not the same things that most women concern themselves with. Material things are not your primary focus but sensitivity and concern are much more important than what type of car a man drives. So here you are in love with a PLAYBOY! What can you do?

You have twice planned to tell him that enough is enough and that you are not going to meet him but you have not been able to bring yourself to say the words. Each time you talk to him you feel closer and each time you think about it the next day you realize you must be crazy. This must be what an addiction is like when a person knows that something isn't good for them but has no control to stay away from it. But no, this isn't like that at all because you can't be sure that he isn't good for you.

He told you he loves you today not words that you say or allow spoken to you he seemed less than his confident self when he spoke them into the phone the first time he wasn't hesitating but you sensed his fear as well.

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