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Steve beds a cute blonde and engages in group sex.
" We haven't had sex in months and you can't even get an erection. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you had a girl friend."
"I'm sorry Wendy, but I've got too much on my mind to perform. I'll do better next time. I promise."
Next time never came.
Wendy's boyfriend sent the rent checks for her apartment to a rent collection PO Box where they eventually got to me. I copied them and deposited the originals in the bank. A lot of you are wondering why I didn't get a little revenge on him while he screwed my wife.
Don't be disappointed, I did.
The bank manger I did my company business with was a good friend of mine as well as a good friend of the manager of my wife's lover's bank. Just for fun, we started watching his finances. We soon knew he lived too close to the edge and we wanted to help him over.
After a couple of months we noticed a pattern in his finances. It seems he was a little short of cash every couple of months and depended on the "float" time between deposits and withdrawals to stay afloat.
His accounts were enough short of cash that if his rent check on my wife's apartment was deposited at certain times of the month, they would be returned for insufficient funds or (better yet!) cause a few of his wife's checks to be returned for insufficient funds. Get the picture?
So we started playing games with his accounts.
Soon not only was he getting dinged by my company with returned check fees and late rent charges, but he was paying bank fees on the checks that his wife wrote which were being returned also. Soon a lot of her checks, to her embarrassment, were being refused by her favorite stores. Even some of her girl friends started asking for cash from her if they split a lunch check. Our plan was working perfectly.
Because of all these hits for returned checks and fees, his credit rating was lowered. His credit card companies didn't like that. While they didn't actually close his accounts, they pulled another better stopper. They kept lowering his credit limit to exactly what he owed, effectively stopping him from charging anything. This also affected his wife's use of the joint cards. As you can imagine she was a little upset by this because no woman wants her credit card declined.
I enjoyed the shit out of these times. Not only was he being dinged for $200 to $300 in late fees and return check charges, he also had to explain to his wife how these mistakes were happening without mentioning it was the fault of my wife's apartment complex and their depositing habits. Oh I bet there were some interesting conversations over family finances at his house.
My next break was sent from heaven. My wife had visited her doctor for female problems. Her pap smear returned indicated that she had some form of cancer. Our relationship was such by that time that she didn't tell me anything about it. She only informed me that she was having some female problems and needed surgery.
The truth came out when my then 17 going on 18 year old daughter, Amy, let the cat out of the bag. She told me that she was going to stay with her mother.
"Amy why?" I asked. "Have I been that bad a father to you?"
"No Dad you haven't, but Mom needs me. She has ovarian cancer. And you don't love her anymore but I still do. I want to help my Mother get through these next months until she's better."
I missed my daughter, but I needed to complete my plans. If Amy chose to be with her mother over me, so be it. As much as I wanted my daughter to be with me, she chose her mother. I guess she really needed to help her mother to be complete. Amy was all grown up now. And besides, living with her mom might reveal to Amy what a slut her mother actually was.
I went to church the next Sunday. It had been years since I set foot in the Lord's House, but I wanted to take the time to thank him.
That's right, I wasn't praying for Wendy's recovery, but thanking the Lord for giving her cancer.