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She finds out my secret and wants to follow my path.

I won't flinch away from getting it now because it's more than I expected it to be. I had one nostalgic moment for the life I'd been living just yesterday morning.

Wake up, try and fail to eat anything substantial, paint, sleep, and repeat. Not a great life as far as accomplishment goes but not a miserable one either and really, that's all any reasonable person can ask for. That their misery not outweigh their contentment.

That doesn't stop it from being boring and monotonous I'm just not one to discount my blessings and those things are safe if not exciting. I've never been the type of person to go out of my way seeking excitement. More excitement had found me than I've wanted in my long life but none had been the pleasant adventurous kind. I've been alive for more than seventy years and never had an adventure that I wanted to have. I sure know how to pick the right rabbit hole don't I?

I needed to trust in that otherness, that he was guiding me where I wanted to go. I need to trust that I actually know what I want out of this situation and out of life. I realize I've never really trusted in myself before. I had contingency plans for contingency plans because I never knew when I was going to monumentally fuck my life up with some slip. I need to feel prepared so that when the dust clears I'm not standing empty handed in the ruins that were the structure of my life. The voice couldn't have chosen a harder path for me to take. My entire sense of self that I'd scraped, stapled and glued together from the remnants of my tattered torturous adolescence was about being in control. Now I was being asked to give up that control to face my second greatest fear, the unknown. Ignorance had never been bliss in my experience.

The power began to pulse against my awareness, warning me that come-to-grips time is almost over. I need to pony up here. This power had a live-and-accept-it-or-die sort of feel and since I'd already chosen to live I'd better get to it. I focused on the subconscious barrier insulating me from the pulsating heat. It felt as if my consciousness and my physical body occupied two separate spaces and time moved differently in each of them. All but stopped in the alley I was standing in and racing inexorably by wherever my mind is. I could feel the rather alarming sensation of teeth squeezing, but not yet puncturing my torso, my skin was still getting sprinkled with fresh blood. But with my eyes squeezed shut I could see the towering manifestation of the power that I'm expected to accept and acclimate too quickly.

I think that the plan had been to let me get power in small increments. However a giant monster attacking me torched that. So now I need more of a boost than I've gotten if I'm going to do more than just barely survive this confrontation. A side benefit seems to be that the voice and I have progressed from vague feelings to whole paragraphs of conversation in just a few short hours. Yes, I know I'm stalling. Thinking about non-issues when time is running out.

I was standing at the edge of a precipice hoping that when I jumped I would grow wings instead of becoming one with the rocks. Sometimes it's not the falling that's scary but the jumping of your own volition. I could rationalize someone just taking control but giving it up was going to be hard. I focused on the pulse of the storm. I felt my heart beat and tried to breathe so that my heart would match it. The rhythms synced and before I could third and fourth guess myself I let go. I let myself go. I yanked away my shield with both hands and felt that pulsing power move against my skin before filling me up and blowing me away.

I had expected the power to slam into me with all the force of the storming ocean against a single sandbag.

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