Surburbia's worst nightmare.

This is the only vocation I've ever known.

And I do quite well, by conventional standards. True, I don't have a car except for a large non-descriptive van that I use to find interesting women. And I still only have an apartment and a modest wardrobe. But I need to move quickly in case of disaster.

It's happened before, a beautiful women, she had white hair, and a very youthful and vibrant face. She was an artist feeling trapped by her business-hippee husband. She never got the encouragement, space and praise to pursue her craft. He just used her for his own purposes, which she was far too willing to give, in the name of love.

Lust was left by the wayside. That carnal, animal pleasure that you adore about her did not go away, you simply chose to ignore it. Don't worry, it's still there, I found it.

I look at this as a form of therapy, because usually in serious relationships people don't truly want to leave the other, they're just sexually frustrated with the situation.

Indeed, you should be happy that I talk your woman through the pleasures of her own body. She often returns with greater love in her heart and a renewed enthusiasm from being somewhere exotic.

At least, that's the way it's supposed to work.

And then there are the times it goes terribly wrong.

My MO is this. I seduce a woman by finding the single external interest she has, be it yoga, gardening, or music, and participating with her in it in some way. You can't be there because that's HER thing. It's usually easy to tell, she walks to the car with her yoga mat or there's some other external evidence of something. If not, they're probably kind of boring anyway.

Anyway, as always, conversation turns to sex, and they're all sorts of interested in the spiritual aspects. I mention that I work as a travel writer, and talking about exotic locations always seem to get women thinking of different things.

Most of the time it happens, sometimes over a bottle of wine and a bitch about you in the afternoon, sometimes in the middle of the night after she stole out of the house in secret, sometimes when I play guitar and sing a song with her. We kiss, and deal, briefly with an awkward silence, then "I would like to pursue this, but we need to discuss some rules"

The first one is always free. I give her my best and she wants more. It's terribly helpful to not have a single source of sexual outlet, it allows me to keep in 'shape' as it were. Before we progress to intercourse, I discuss that I also work as a sexual healer. I am not available for a long time relationship, as that is my choice. But I can help you have a better relationship.

My first goal is to have a woman get in better touch with her body. Women have a different relationship with their body then men do. Because the female form is so saturated yet diluted at the same time throughout culture, there is no internalization of the self, instead is is a conceptualization of a relation between an ideal and reality.

Sometimes they're ok with pleasure, and that's a great start. It's the touchy, 'don't make me feel good' types that make excellent pupils, because they have so much to learn.

It's a really good deal, for $250-500 of YOUR money, I sleep with your woman and she in turn, is better in bed with you. And I have such a curriculum. I bet I could keep a client for years, given the opportunity.

Yet, always, either, the guy finds out, or she just goes back to him, refreshed. I'm trying to cut down my errors, but I still have to relocate every few months.

It's worth it though. Years of sexual frustration are released through me. It's not like when these women were younger, and every penis made itself available, and she was available. No, most of the time she manages to separate her coupling emotions from the sex. I only see clients once a week, on most occasions, to avoid the opposite scenario.

Having someone else fall in love is also terrible for your career.

I try to explain the boundaries, and she thinks that she can make up for her in

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